Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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