4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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