can u get pink eye on your cock?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize