You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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