I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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