i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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