its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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