My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize