thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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