my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize