I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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