I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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