i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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