Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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