you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize