What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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