So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
the raccoons are back...
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