dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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