I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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