i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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