So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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