don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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