The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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