Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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