I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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