She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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