What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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