I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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