It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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