My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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