hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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