cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The ass gains better be worth it
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