I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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