he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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