It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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