I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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