genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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