This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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