you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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