Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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