...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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