apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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