sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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