the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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