C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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