D3 body, D1 cock
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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