Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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