I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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