Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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