i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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